“Becoming a Confidently Studious Muslimah”: my story…
Becoming a confidently Studious Muslimah for me was a struggle, and it took a rather long time. I was one of the taller students in my GCSE maths class. I was grateful for that so that I could seamlessly hide at the back of the group of students posing for a photograph to go on the local newspaper. Our class had achieved fantastic GCSE maths results. Our entire class had taken all the GCSE maths papers in the summer of our Year 10. This was an incredible achievement that was led by our supportive and encouraging teacher who had taught us maths since we were Year 7. I was not only standing at the back, but somehow managed to half-hide my face behind others who had beaming smiles in expression of the immense pride for their achievement.
There was no clear visible reason as to why I wasn’t also expressing and sharing the same sense of pride. I was holding back from being like the others and joining in their celebration. I was not comfortable with even the slightest bit of limelight. I went on to achieve more fantastic grades in Year 11 and in my A-levels, despite personal struggles. There was clearly a high-level of competence that would’ve been nicely complemented with confidence for more impactful success. Though the reality was very different. During sixth-form, I barely spoke or socialised with anyone in my school. I probably had two friends for the two years, and my sister for one of those years. The start of my university years was no different in terms of my social competence and level of self-esteem. Making decisions certainly was not a strength I possessed at that time. I was embarrassed about my degree choice, and was confused with my university selection too...
My struggle was more of an internal one, though it naturally became portrayed outwardly. It showed in how I walked and presented myself. It didn’t help that I was also visibly different. In a lecture-hall full of students, I was the only female student wearing a religious head covering. At the start of my university degree, I was trying to separate my own identity from my learning. There were things that just didn’t exactly complement each other. At the same time, I had just started to properly recover from health issues that had tested my family’s and my own resilience to the limits throughout my teenage years. I went from the girl who had just ran her first ‘Race for Life’, to the girl who was not able to run at all for a good number of years! Joining the university Islamic society did help improve my confidence levels. I started to come out of my shell a little. I even joined the committee during the final year of my degree.
I had started tutoring from my second year of university, and later went onto formal training with a Post Graduate Diploma in Education at the university of Birmingham. Let’s just say that some schools weren’t exactly accommodating to the fact that I was extremely competent yet lacked in confidence. Some of the education settings I was in were very toxic environments to be in, for both staff and students. I felt no sense of belonging. There were even instances of discrimination. My internal battles became more and more pronounced and I fell severely ill once again. My Newly Qualified Teacher (NQT) induction year was clearly not going to be just one year...
With God’s grace, I followed a health recovery plan, and was eventually able to finish my NQT induction. I went on to complete more academic years in the same school that I trained at. There was a certain realisation, that began to become conviction, that confidence -and anything good associated with that- is from Allah SWT. Increasing in faith was certainly something to be continuously worked upon. This period in time coincided with starting to take studying the Holy Quran a lot more seriously. I started building my confidence more and more. I decided to try teaching at a different school for a year before I then took the leap and left mainstream teaching. From then on, I went onto to embark on a journey from one achievement to the next. I went onto study a masters’ degree in Education, which I achieved with a distinction. I was then employed by the University of Oxford -a university I had longed to belong to in the past.
After I had built a portfolio of experiences working in various education sectors and settings, I knew it was time I really personalised my contribution to education. I had to now put my mark in this world by combining all these skills and experiences. That is when I founded ‘Studious Muslimah’. A platform for the young female Muslim learner. A space for female Muslim students to flourish and excel at their own genius, without being made to feel like they need to compromise on their identity or capabilities to try and fit in. This is the community that I would have loved to have been part of growing up, but couldn’t find anywhere. A community to develop faith-based confidence in educational settings. By the grace of Allah SWT, He showed me how, and guided me to pave the way to creating Studious Muslimah, whilst I am still striving to be her...
